and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
