i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
