i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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