remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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