he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
