She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
