he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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