M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
