if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
