I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
