a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Im part way to drunk.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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