**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think a kid would responsible me up
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Randomize
