Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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