ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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