I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
