if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
