I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
