Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
