we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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