Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
