Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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