I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize