I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
