one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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