North Korea, Best Korea!
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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