No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize