so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
