I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize