Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
