This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
My brain says no but my pants say off.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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