ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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