The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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