I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Send help, water and tortillas.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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