Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
