i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Randomize
