the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
