you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Randomize
