i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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