I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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