If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
where does the pee come out of this thing
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
