the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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