I'm really into asian looking animals
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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