apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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