so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize