Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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