i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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