1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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