I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
