That's when you crack a 10am beer
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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