? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize