i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize