he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
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