Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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