I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
