Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
