do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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