so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
