They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
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