When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
