how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
my god I love twenty year old dicks
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
