i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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