More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Randomize
