this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I want a musical about memes.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
