there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
