You were right. It hurts to walk today.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Randomize
