its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I want to make a zoo with you.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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