i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
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