A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
