I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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