Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Randomize
