State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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