How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
His hands were made for my vagina.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize