wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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