she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
