OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
