the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
