Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
