We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
