I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
