Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Randomize
