You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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