he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
