So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
