the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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