No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
