Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
