how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
