So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
