Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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