I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
