just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
