Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
