We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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