Plan B is the new Plan A
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
