How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
