I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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