So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
