So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
