I'm jealous of your bromance
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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