im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Randomize
