Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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