is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
