woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
