i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Semen is not good for contacts.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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